Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
