Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize
