Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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