Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
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