well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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