My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
your like the ambassador to my penis.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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