ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
