Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
