Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
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