I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
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