were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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