i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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