I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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