Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
