i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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