I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
