even the AIR tastes like tequila.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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