i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
