I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
