last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
