sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
