What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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