doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
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