1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
