we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I'm both gender and math confused
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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