Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
