If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
