dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
worst night to have a conscience
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
My dick has a subreddit
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
