i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
