The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
