I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
