Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
