well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
