he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
