dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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