Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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