Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
