Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
