What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
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