I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
