He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
