I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
