he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
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