It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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