The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
