They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
