I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
