guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Never let your siblings swipe right.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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