He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
