clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
