I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
