Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
