Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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