I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
