She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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