Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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