If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
