Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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