I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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