i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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