I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
